Don't Fence Me In

I am conservative. I am not a bigot, I am not a racist, I am not a chauvinist, I am not environmentally irresponsible. I don’t know if I am democrat or republican because I am not comfortable with either label. I do not need you to be wrong for me to be right or vise versa. I am at peace with many of my convictions and many are still works in progress. I am grateful that not everyone believes exactly as I do and I welcome respectful debate. 

I believe our greatest gift from our Creator is our agency, which gives us the power and right choose. I believe that whenever others compromise agency, it is tyranny. 

“Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.”

Thomas Paine

http://www.ushistory.org/paine/crisis/c-01.htm

I believe the greatest sacrifice for agency and freedom was given with the life of Jesus Christ and that he literally saved us from an eternal loss of agency. I believe that within each of us lies a will to protect and defend that agency. 

I believe that each individual’s opinions, beliefs, and values are honored in a democratic society where we choose our leaders. Because of this, religion in politics is unavoidable as my beliefs inform how I will choose my leaders. I do not choose a leader because she believes exactly as I do but because she promotes the general welfare of our country. Our country was founded by people who declared independence and composed a constitution based on their belief in truth and in a Creator who “endowed” us “with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. I believe, as they stated, “all men are created equal”. In my opinion, these statements were informed by both the secular and religious beliefs of those who wrote them. Even the framers themselves understood that the constitution was not perfect but after much debate, wrote it with the best of intentions and knowledge of the time.

“I confess that there are several parts of this constitution which I do not at present approve, but I am not sure I shall never approve them: For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged by better information, or fuller consideration, to change opinions even on important subjects, which I once thought right, but found to be otherwise. I doubt too whether any other Convention we can obtain, may be able to make a better Constitution. For when you assemble a number of men to have the advantage of their joint wisdom, you inevitably assemble with those men, all their prejudices, their passions, their errors of opinion, their local interests, and their selfish views. From such an assembly can a perfect production be expected? It therefore astonishes me, Sir, to find this system approaching so near to perfection as it does.”

Benjamin Franklin

http://avalon.law.yale.edu/18th_century/debates_917.asp

I am grateful that over 200 years later, our society more accurately reflects the equality they envisioned. 

I am extremely grateful to the brave souls, who despite unpopular opinions of the time paved the way for the civil rights we enjoy today. I would hope that the dedication of their lives would not be in vain, thus causing reverse discrimination to demean or diminish my right to believe as I do because it is currently unpopular. If I choose to abstain from sex until marriage, do not drink alcohol and spend a significant part of my life in worship, I would hope that my more liberal brothers and sisters would respect my right without assuming these choices make me naïve, ignorant, brain-washed or uninformed.

I am grateful to the women who stood up and spoke out so that I can live and work in society as I choose. I am grateful that their actions made it possible for me to pursue an education and career that supports the lifestyle I choose and the dreams I have for my family and myself. My belief is that the intention of the Women’s Movement was to ensure that women feel free, capable and confident to choose whatever path is right for them, whether it be as a CEO or a stay-at-home mom. I believe all of these choices are valid and respectable. I believe we honor and uphold the values of our sisters who went before us by supporting and uplifting each other now. 

I believe the earth is a precious gift and should be treated with respect. I believe we should be conservative with our resources. I believe the planet and its resources are available in abundance when cared for and used properly. No one group should have unlimited access to these resources and they should be responsibly shared globally. I also believe we are surrounded by brilliant minds and ingenuity that, if working together, can find solutions for how to best share, manage, recycle, renew, and protect our earth’s bounties. I believe, as we are taught in the Old Testament, that as humans with “dominion…over every living thing that moveth upon the earth”, we are the responsible beings on this planet for “multiplying and replenishing” her resources. 

I am conservative. I am not a bigot, I am not a racist, I am not a chauvinist, I am not environmentally irresponsible.

Taking My Happiness Power Back

I recently read the following blog post by Seth Godin.  I've been thinking about it ever since...

Seth's Blog: If your happiness is based on always getting a little more than you've got...

To whom or to what am I giving the power of my happiness?  Is it the guy who might like me when I look or act a certain way?  Is it the summer break that's only 8 weeks away? Is it the time when I am all caught up on my recent medical bills?

Wow! All these people and things seem to have a hold on my happiness that they don't even care about or even know about.  But I know about it.  So why not take it back? Why not, since I am actually the only one with the awareness of it, own my happiness... Take back the power?

And I do believe there is power in happiness.  It is the great purpose of my life on this planet, the reason I was created.  "men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25).  The purpose of our very being is in joy. 

"Physician, heal thyself."

I spent the last two days having skin cancer removed. It turned out to be a bigger deal than I had hoped, meaning they had to remove and repair a bigger portion of skin than I imagined.

While I was sitting in the waiting room at the fancy plastic surgeons' office, where I had been sent by my dermatologist, staring at eyelash-extension and skin cream posters, I was among many women who I believe were there for strictly cosmetic purposes. So I started to get VERY judgie. I was sure they were there CHOOSING to have SURGERY, I mean SURGERY, expensive, cut-into-your-skin-under-anesthesia-just-because SURGERY to 'fix' themselves.

As the doctor showed me the picture of my wound where the cancer had been removed and drew pictures of my options for repair, it was all I could do not to burst into tears right in front of him. I held it together until I got in the car where I completely lost it.

Now, I was quite stressed, tired, alone, and in pain. I wasn't exactly on my A game so give me some slack here. But as I drove home in tears (the hicuppy, breath-catching kind) it was not lost on me that I was crying over cosmetics. I wasn't really celebrating the removal of CANCER at this point.

I then launched into an entire thought sequence including how, "NOW it would be EVEN HARDER to get a guy to love me! (deep sob). As if it weren't hard enough before!!! (huge inhale). I have always struggled with my body image and now I have to have a FACE image issue!!! (audible throat gurgle). I'M GONNA HAVE UNEVEN, LOPSIDED LIPS!!! (wipe tears so I can see through the windshield). At least if I were married, my guy would probably have deep abiding love that would see past my small loppie lips!" Yes, I went there. Women's Movement be damned! I didn't have it in me to roar in this moment.

And then I got PISSED (here's the super judgie part, bare with me)

"And those stupid Draper moms, MAKING UP stuff to FIX on themselves!!! Blast them with their husbands and kids who love them! I bet their families could care less about their dumb boobs and noses and lashes and hairy legs and extensions and tummy tucks and ...........(I told you, I lost it).

The thing is, I have lots of friends who have had elective surgery and I've supported and encouraged them to do it if that's what they wanted to do. Hell, I'VE had elective procedures done. All in the VAIN (pun intended) of improved appearance. But in that moment, it all seemed really really stupid. And furthermore, I most likely got cancer due to the fact that for years I insisted on being flipin' TAN!!!! Appearance, appearance, appearance!

I think we're messed up. I'm not sure what do do about it. I still give a huge care what I look like. I judge other women a lot of the time because I'm actually intimidated by their "hottness" so I take them down a notch in my brain. At least if they're shallow, I deem myself to have the upper hand. See...messed up (and pretty self-righteous).

What's to be done? (picture me with an Eeyore head, hanging low and slowly swinging back and forth) The absurdity of it all.

Twas the Night Before...

Tomorrow night is Christmas Eve. I am certain I do not speak for every single person (pun intended) but for me, it is not an especially easy time of year. I think perhaps it is mostly because of the end-of-the-year reflectiveness.

For me, birthdays and new years usually mean some goal or hope or put-it-out-there mantra having to do with finding my other half. And as the next birthday nears or another year ends, I am faced with the looming fact that a period of time has passed with the unfulfillment of that hope. So I find myself a little pensive and it can sometimes translate as Grinchiness.

This season and most especially the next two evenings will be filled with a lot of family time. In my case, that means time with my brothers and sister who are all married with kids. I adore my family and would not change spending this time with them. Holidays just make me a little more keenly aware that I do not have my own family, more than any other Sunday night dinner or picnic in the park, etc.

I am acutely aware that my plight is small on the plight scale. I have everything in the world for which to be grateful. I have been made aware, as is typical of Christmas time, of how much I have and I do not wish to diminish or make light or take any of it for granted.

I saw a quote on Facebook that defined the feelings of this season well, “Isn’t It Funny That At Christmas Something In You Gets So Lonely For – I Don’t Know What Exactly, But It’s Something That You Don’t Mind So Much Not Having At Other Times.”

Most importantly and profoundly, I am grateful that in this season of my life (which seems to be lasting for lots and lots of seasons) I am aware of and have a relationship with my savior, Jesus Christ. And that he knows intimately the challenges of aloneness. I love the simple story of a little family in a stable, who I imagine felt very much alone on this night. Yet the big picture (the biggest picture ever) was that this little family was directly impacting the lives of EVERY human ever to exist on this planet. So although,in our current circumstances, we may feel forgotten or ignored or passed-over, our Heavenly Father is so intently aware and involved! AND... people and angels we don't even see are in the very process of progressing our journey. Aloneness is really just a lack of perspective, not by any fault of our own sometimes, just the way it is for a bit until we are ready to see the big picture.

SOOOOO...having maybe described a little bit how the END of the year feels, recognizing it, owning it rather than ignoring or trying to pretend it's not there... a future post will express how excited I am for the NEW year. The good news about the loss of old hopes is that some new hope usually springs up in it's place! It might be the exact same hope (so I guess it really isn't lost or dead) but it gets a rebirth, a shot in the arm, a breath of life. It's CPR for hope time! Yay!

Sometimes I think about other stuff too...

Today I stressed that I have only blogged about body image stuff and I must blog about something else so I appear to have well-rounded thinking (which would probably not be true, I bet 90% of my thoughts surround about 5 or less topics...sad, but it's probably true)

So here's some stuff I've been thinking about...

Dating/ marriage/ boys

Dropping out of "The Scene" completely and reappearing 30 lbs. thinner and transformed (I love make-overs, I've always thought this sounded like the funnest. It must be a Cinderella or 80's movie thing...Weren't those always the best!?!)

Money/ job/ following dreams/ doing what you love vs. paying the bills

Halloween costumes

Quitting Diet Coke (I heard something about J.Lo. giving it up and having smooth legs)

Sleeping more in the winter, I'm super tired lately, I think it's a hibernation thing

Making NOT going to Vegas my only 2012 resolution (I've been 4 times this year...ugh!)

Who's going to change it? I am.

Tonight I thought,

"Why do I care about changing everyone else's mind about our messed up, lame dieting mentality and obsession with skinny?"

I can't. I can change MY mind. I've been angry about diets and skinny-worship for about a year and a half now. Before that I was angry about not being skinny. I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want to be mad that I can't get everyone to see it the way I do now. It's not my goal to change everyone anymore (which is a hard goal to give up because I'm very bossy and think I'm right about a lot).

I just want to be happy so...YAY, I get to be. I get to decide that. I get to decide if wearing a size 14 is the end of the world OR no big deal OR even kinda hot and sexy and curve-a-licious! I get to decide if I'm happy in my skin... if I want to change it a little... or a lot. But what I don't get to do is decide for everyone else. And if everyone else thinks I'm crazy or lame or lying to myself, THEY get to decide that.

I'm going to BE the change I want to see because, DAH, that's the only change I get to be or not be. It's the ONLY change I can make or not make.

This post is making me think to suggest watching the movie I AM and reading the book I AM. They're not related to each other but the messages are similar.

What are your ideas on this? Is there a good way to focus on what I can change and not worry so much about what everyone else thinks about it, even when it's not the norm?

Is it really supposed to be a fight?

Which of these looks more like you and your friends? Which is better? And who decides?

I read this quote in the book Women Food and God,

"You've got to be willing to believe that you were put on this Earth for more than your endless attempts to lose the same 30 pounds 300 times for 80 years."


Why are women so quick to point out what they hate about themselves? I guess if you hate something you fight it. You go to war with it.

I was on the Pinterest site searching "fitness" and noticed so many slogans promoting beating and belittling yourself into a smaller size. It's like a big war against ourselves. If YOU are fighting YOURSELF, it seems like you're going to lose by winning (and no, I'm not talking about losing weight). And what other worthy fights are we loosing because we're so distracted with this fight?

God created you. God created cellulite and stretch marks too. And in fact, in the case of stretch marks, those are usually a sign that a woman has given birth. So stretch marks are a sign that a miracle occurred. That's not perspective. That's a fact. This isn't some FAT POWER movement I'm talking about but really, why do we hate and fight what we are naturally?

I'm not saying you have to love those things but I do wonder why we have to apologize for them, why they make us "bad".

I'd like to hear your comments on what "fitness" and "health" messages are actually beneficial and motivating for you? Which ones leave you with a pit in your stomach or guilt and which ones don't? Am I the only one who's not motivated anymore by the "no pain, no gain..." mentality?