Twas the Night Before...

Tomorrow night is Christmas Eve. I am certain I do not speak for every single person (pun intended) but for me, it is not an especially easy time of year. I think perhaps it is mostly because of the end-of-the-year reflectiveness.

For me, birthdays and new years usually mean some goal or hope or put-it-out-there mantra having to do with finding my other half. And as the next birthday nears or another year ends, I am faced with the looming fact that a period of time has passed with the unfulfillment of that hope. So I find myself a little pensive and it can sometimes translate as Grinchiness.

This season and most especially the next two evenings will be filled with a lot of family time. In my case, that means time with my brothers and sister who are all married with kids. I adore my family and would not change spending this time with them. Holidays just make me a little more keenly aware that I do not have my own family, more than any other Sunday night dinner or picnic in the park, etc.

I am acutely aware that my plight is small on the plight scale. I have everything in the world for which to be grateful. I have been made aware, as is typical of Christmas time, of how much I have and I do not wish to diminish or make light or take any of it for granted.

I saw a quote on Facebook that defined the feelings of this season well, “Isn’t It Funny That At Christmas Something In You Gets So Lonely For – I Don’t Know What Exactly, But It’s Something That You Don’t Mind So Much Not Having At Other Times.”

Most importantly and profoundly, I am grateful that in this season of my life (which seems to be lasting for lots and lots of seasons) I am aware of and have a relationship with my savior, Jesus Christ. And that he knows intimately the challenges of aloneness. I love the simple story of a little family in a stable, who I imagine felt very much alone on this night. Yet the big picture (the biggest picture ever) was that this little family was directly impacting the lives of EVERY human ever to exist on this planet. So although,in our current circumstances, we may feel forgotten or ignored or passed-over, our Heavenly Father is so intently aware and involved! AND... people and angels we don't even see are in the very process of progressing our journey. Aloneness is really just a lack of perspective, not by any fault of our own sometimes, just the way it is for a bit until we are ready to see the big picture.

SOOOOO...having maybe described a little bit how the END of the year feels, recognizing it, owning it rather than ignoring or trying to pretend it's not there... a future post will express how excited I am for the NEW year. The good news about the loss of old hopes is that some new hope usually springs up in it's place! It might be the exact same hope (so I guess it really isn't lost or dead) but it gets a rebirth, a shot in the arm, a breath of life. It's CPR for hope time! Yay!

Meridian Magazine - How the Sexual Revolution Killed the Common Date

The following article was sent to me by a friend yesterday:

Meridian Magazine - How the Sexual Revolution Killed the Common Date

I only read it once, mostly because I didn't want to read it again and give more energy to it. But of course I thought about it all day long. I think it mostly makes me sad. I think it's because it's not an uncommon general sentiment I hear among single Mormon women. It's sad because I can hear this underlying desire/desperation to find a good man and marry him but the overlying outcry seems to be bringing the opposite result. I can't imagine this attitude is attractive. It's accusatory, makes women sound like victims and lacks hope and trust in men. I recognize this because I've certainly had my moments of allowing myself to "go there" and "be in that place". Ugh. It's the worst. It's a black abyss. To put it ridiculously simply, it's just not good. There is no virtue in those thoughts.

A male friend pointed out the following quote from the article:

"The sexual revolution told us that women could have “pre-marital relationships” casually, and on their own terms. But when the numbers changed, and there were more women than men, it was no longer up to the women when relationships would happen. Men get to decide if and when something will happen."

My friend commented that in his opinion, women are the "gatekeepers in the sexual arena". I've had some interesting conversations along those exact lines lately. I found myself arguing that it's so much easier for men to progress the relationship physically (appropriately of course). But alas, I think I am dead wrong. And frankly, I have no idea why I'd want to be right about that, maybe because it absolves me of responsibility and I can walk away from unsuccessful dating experiences feeling that it's not my fault. But after several discussions and then reading his comment, I think I would be smart to take ownership of the "fact" that maybe I DO have more power in that arena than I thought. And really, how awesome is that? To me that means, I can wield my powers for good. I'm looking forward to owning that power and living in the new perception. Obviously, my ultimate goal is to be in a relationship where we both employ our God-given, different and separate but equal powers to progress the relationship in all areas.

Not so very hard to be happy afterall

We won't all be single forever. Tonight I saw a friend who posted a picture of him and his new lady on FB. This guy has always been such a "single dude" and yet, there he is, looking so coupley and so happy and so normal in that context. People you can only ever imagine as single, end up double all the time. And when they do, it usually doesn't seem as crazy as we all thought it might seem. I guess it's because we're supposed to be together so it usually seems surprisingly natural when it happens. To quote a friend, "the most interesting thing about who [he] ended up with, is how uninteresting it is". In other words, most people end up with someone eventually so it's not really that baffling when it happens.