The following article was sent to me by a friend yesterday:
Meridian Magazine - How the Sexual Revolution Killed the Common Date
I only read it once, mostly because I didn't want to read it again and give more energy to it. But of course I thought about it all day long. I think it mostly makes me sad. I think it's because it's not an uncommon general sentiment I hear among single Mormon women. It's sad because I can hear this underlying desire/desperation to find a good man and marry him but the overlying outcry seems to be bringing the opposite result. I can't imagine this attitude is attractive. It's accusatory, makes women sound like victims and lacks hope and trust in men. I recognize this because I've certainly had my moments of allowing myself to "go there" and "be in that place". Ugh. It's the worst. It's a black abyss. To put it ridiculously simply, it's just not good. There is no virtue in those thoughts.
A male friend pointed out the following quote from the article:
"The sexual revolution told us that women could have “pre-marital relationships” casually, and on their own terms. But when the numbers changed, and there were more women than men, it was no longer up to the women when relationships would happen. Men get to decide if and when something will happen."
My friend commented that in his opinion, women are the "gatekeepers in the sexual arena". I've had some interesting conversations along those exact lines lately. I found myself arguing that it's so much easier for men to progress the relationship physically (appropriately of course). But alas, I think I am dead wrong. And frankly, I have no idea why I'd want to be right about that, maybe because it absolves me of responsibility and I can walk away from unsuccessful dating experiences feeling that it's not my fault. But after several discussions and then reading his comment, I think I would be smart to take ownership of the "fact" that maybe I DO have more power in that arena than I thought. And really, how awesome is that? To me that means, I can wield my powers for good. I'm looking forward to owning that power and living in the new perception. Obviously, my ultimate goal is to be in a relationship where we both employ our God-given, different and separate but equal powers to progress the relationship in all areas.
I agree. It is unfair to give the guys all the responsibility and power in dating. What kind of template would that set for a marriage?
ReplyDeleteI too read this article and I both agreed and disagreed with it. On one hand, I didn't like how she blamed men for the state of singles today and yet on the other hand, I often meet the men she described and do think there are a bunch of guys out there who really do need to "man up". The odds really are in the favor of men--it is hard to argue otherwise--but that doesn't mean we women are really easy to deal with. I think the trick is that I can't sit around and get angry about men or forget my own role and behaviors that contribute to the problem.
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