Tomorrow night is Christmas Eve. I am certain I do not speak for every single person (pun intended) but for me, it is not an especially easy time of year. I think perhaps it is mostly because of the end-of-the-year reflectiveness.
For me, birthdays and new years usually mean some goal or hope or put-it-out-there mantra having to do with finding my other half. And as the next birthday nears or another year ends, I am faced with the looming fact that a period of time has passed with the unfulfillment of that hope. So I find myself a little pensive and it can sometimes translate as Grinchiness.
This season and most especially the next two evenings will be filled with a lot of family time. In my case, that means time with my brothers and sister who are all married with kids. I adore my family and would not change spending this time with them. Holidays just make me a little more keenly aware that I do not have my own family, more than any other Sunday night dinner or picnic in the park, etc.
I am acutely aware that my plight is small on the plight scale. I have everything in the world for which to be grateful. I have been made aware, as is typical of Christmas time, of how much I have and I do not wish to diminish or make light or take any of it for granted.
I saw a quote on Facebook that defined the feelings of this season well, “Isn’t It Funny That At Christmas Something In You Gets So Lonely For – I Don’t Know What Exactly, But It’s Something That You Don’t Mind So Much Not Having At Other Times.”
Most importantly and profoundly, I am grateful that in this season of my life (which seems to be lasting for lots and lots of seasons) I am aware of and have a relationship with my savior, Jesus Christ. And that he knows intimately the challenges of aloneness. I love the simple story of a little family in a stable, who I imagine felt very much alone on this night. Yet the big picture (the biggest picture ever) was that this little family was directly impacting the lives of EVERY human ever to exist on this planet. So although,in our current circumstances, we may feel forgotten or ignored or passed-over, our Heavenly Father is so intently aware and involved! AND... people and angels we don't even see are in the very process of progressing our journey. Aloneness is really just a lack of perspective, not by any fault of our own sometimes, just the way it is for a bit until we are ready to see the big picture.
SOOOOO...having maybe described a little bit how the END of the year feels, recognizing it, owning it rather than ignoring or trying to pretend it's not there... a future post will express how excited I am for the NEW year. The good news about the loss of old hopes is that some new hope usually springs up in it's place! It might be the exact same hope (so I guess it really isn't lost or dead) but it gets a rebirth, a shot in the arm, a breath of life. It's CPR for hope time! Yay!
